Continued.
He kept writing to her in his diary.If there was nothing to write, he used to write "I love you bangaram ". In the next few days ,they had a lot of dinner dates at home. She loved decorating the place.They shared a lot of kisses. The day comes which he cannot forget, she had just come out from bath rolled in a towel."Fuck out of the room ,I gotta change",she ordered pointing at the door.While rising up to leave the room, he jokingly said "I'll stay and watch. It's my wife, I have full rights". While he was about to leave, she closed the door and said,"maybe, that's what I want" aaand boom.They made love.Her body glistened like gold.He couldn't take eyes off her beautiful face,nor could she.
It wasn't the sex that made them feel close to each other beyond bounds, they just took that moment to define their relationship-They promised each other that they were never going to leave each other and will be there for each other no matter what.
He used to write anecdotes of her stupid jokes.Like for once she said with awe ,"Emandi look at her expressions" Pointing at the lady in naaptol channel,"Emandi look at how she's raising her eyebrows, all tick tock stars seem to have real career options".It was stupid, she laughed at it.
They instantly knew when something was off with one of them.There was once when their newly established firm was about to sink.He fell in her arms and cried.There was no question about "manliness" if he was to cry,he would.They didn't fear putting their most vulnerable selves before each other.She decided to sell a lot of her gold to get the firm back.There was no "you" and "me",it was always"us". She was his go to person for everything. Times weren't always perfect, they used to fight sometimes,but not a day did they abandon their responsibility to resolve it.He was a patient man afterall,the times when she stopped speaking after a fight,he couldn't just take it.The diary had come to him the same day she did, so he first wrote "Come back and speak to me, I cannot take this". Ultimately, he used to crawl to her either to ask her forgiveness or to try and explain what she had done wrong . It almost always ended with him asking her not to stop speaking when angry and them breaking down into tears. Sorted were those days like all other happy days.
This was one cute incident engraved in his head and heart-His mom and dad had come to stay with them,he was on a leave.She cooked and started for work just as he woke up.She crossed the gate and shouted "Emandi!!!!" He came out with his toothbrush in his mouth, "Whaat? " She shrieked, "I love yoouu". Aunty on the opposite building acknowledged and laughed saying"nice". Before she could recover from the embarrassment ,her mother in law walked into the balcony to check what was the noise about. He froze looking upon her wide-eyed like shit.She bit her tongue and snuck out like a kid who had stolen a candy.
That night he wrote "My mom tried to act as if she didn't notice what you did yet smiled a bit. She loves you, I love you too".
Life went on,she got pregnant.They had a really cute boy child.They just wanted the kid to be happy no matter what.They vowed that the kid's happiness was THE priority. Been 3 years since he first met her, he still kept writing the diary,every single day.
3 years later
Their child had turned three a week ago.She was late for work and rushed down downstairs.She fell down and hit her head to the staircase.
"Bangaram are you okay? "
"I'm fine emandi.. I was in a rush, just slipped.It's okay, I have to go for work. Bye, love you."
She went off to work.
She later called him up,"Emandi, I'm feeling dizzy.. It's probably because of the fall.Emandi, come to hospital no. I'm a bit worried.
"I'm coming",he said and left for the hospital.
He wrote that night as she lay in his laps asleep Bangaram don't you worry. You'll be fine, we'll be fine. I love you.
The next morning she said,"What did the doctor say emandi?" He tried to be as composed as possible,"Doctor says, it's a clot in the head, you gotta be careful.Surgery is risky,so let's just be careful.I'm there.Don't worry.". He was trying so hard to pull his tears back. "Emandi, I'm little scared emandi,I don't want to go away. Like I love you right. I want you both, I don't want to go away." "Shut up and rest", he said "you aren't going anywhere okay". He wrote " Bangaram you remember, we promised each other. You're not going anywhere. "
He left a peck on her forehead as she was asleep.
Next day: " Bangaram.. "
Next day:
"bangaram babu edusthunnadu. Thirigi ra bangaram. Manam happy undaalannaav kade. Raave."(Our kid's crying,please come back.You said we were going to lead a happy life right?Why don't you just come back).
Day 3:
"Intlo evaru leru bangaram.. Aakalaithundi, bangaram annam pettava" (There's no one at home, I'm hungry,I haven't eaten,you care right?Come back now.)
Day 4:
"Wherever I see, there's you, I feel lonely, please come back".
Day 30 without you:
Our kid is back home, he somehow understands you won't come back, I don't.
Day 45 without you:
I miss you, you can't be breaking your promise and go away just like that.
Day 84:
I'm doing everything to keep our son happy.
Day 140:
Hey, today is my birthday. Can you come back and hug me? Please.I want to see you.
Day 366:
Fuck you.
Day 367:
fuck you.
He did everything to keep his son happy. It was so difficult for him to play both roles.
The night before she died, she was in his arms, he couldn't still assimilate the fact that she's gone forever.
He couldn't take it anymore.He burnt with agony.He started visiting the nearest red light area.
He was a great dad, a great son, a great son in law. He did everything to give them solace from her loss. But he had no one to give him solace. It was her always.He used to smile often, as though he coped up.
He started visiting a brothel house.If a lady came over him, he used to tremble, he used to just lay there- like a dead body, the woman would have to do everything and leave, he paid after all.There was once, with another woman, he tried holding her. He trembled like shit.So he never tried again. He went back home and wrote
"no body feels like your body, bitch"
He made sure to write rude notes to her daily. At the least, simply put :fuck you.
Soon a word started going around the brothel that he was visiting, he heard one of the woman telling another "this man doesn't do anything, you'll feel like giving extra money only to send him back".
He felt shattered.His wife used to call him" The Man".
So, he decided not to go but to call prostitutes home.He manged well as to the word never crawled into the neighborhood.
As a part of the practice, a girl came home.He said hi and gave her water and waited inside the bedroom. She came in, put his money back into his hands and said "Sir, you look like a good man, I don't want to have sex. I have to go and study. I hope you understand, it'll be so kind of you to not let my agency know about this.I believe, I'm in-charge of my body." He put the money back in her hand and sent her off.
For once he sat down, what the girl said, reminded him of his wife.
Some two years ago:
"Emandi, I do not want to have sex, do you get it? Don't you do your advances on me, I will break your bones" "Sare ne, ee roju oddu le"(Okay,not today.fine?) "Good boy emandi"
"But can I stay close to you?"
"There's space on my lap , which I guess can be occupied as I read through".
He crawled like a baby to her when he wanted her to pamper him. He crawled like a baby, searching for her photo now.He picked up his favorite photo of hers,he looked at her-She looked so unblemished,she wore her brightest smile,he held it close to his heart and started crying.He cried like a baby,he needed her to hug him.He cried the entire evening,fell asleep.
That night he wrote:
"Day 533 without my love: I'm sorry, I cheated on you. I swear I didn't want to, you know I was trembling, I could hold no woman firmly as I held you. But even you cheated on the promise you made. So you ought to forgive me.You gave me seven years with you, don't you think I deserved forever.
I loved you more than anything, I still do.
All these people are asking me to remarry, remarriage is for men who think their wife is dead.
I can't and won't leave you like that. I can take care of our son. I'll do it alone.
When we finally reunite, you need to give me explanations, please prepare for that. And I'm hoping you're not dating anyone up there. You are mine, only mine and I'm only yours.
Is that clear?
I hope you are reading this because I know bitch you used to peep into my diary the quite often.What did you say?" I have respect for people's personal space " you and I are one and you knew there weren't any secrets.
I'm just waiting to meet you.Our son is growing into such a happy kid.You would be so proud.One day,you and I will look over him from the heaven. Until then I just hope that you approve enough of how I'm keeping our promises
Take care my love. I miss you every second.
I love you so much."
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